A BEAUTIFUL DEATH

 The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

Aside from the morbid title this is an interesting blog which I consider to be an uplifting one especially for us old people.  By that statement I mean, it takes the morbid thoughts of death and translates them into a more pleasant experience although not something a person wishes to rush into.  What follows are excerpts taken from an article ‘A Beautiful Death’ from Consumer Reports, a magazine I have subscribed to for many years.  This magazine as the name implies is concerned primarily with testing and recommending a multitude of consumer products ranging from cars to wine.

As a lengthily subscriber I was surprised to read an article which has absolutely nothing to do with consumer products.  Death is not a product which neither needs testing nor recommendations for it is free for all and will be tested and consumed by everyone.  Still, the article is an interesting one I believe worth my take and worthy of your thoughts.

The article centers on a man who is dying of cancer at the age of 86 who refuses medical treatments such as radiation and chemo.  In fact he does not want to return to the hospital, an experience he had lived through a year earlier.  Oh my, I could not agree more about his dislike of hospitals.  My most recent visit involved staying over night after surgery on a major leg artery.  I could not get out of there too soon.

Like he expressed why go through chemo to live a few months longer when I can live a few months with a decent quality of life.  Chemo is a recipe for a drastically poor quality of life.

Of course he involved Hospice Care to be used when the time had come and he did it in a timely fashion that is not waiting until the last few weeks.  I question their take on what they consider to be a timely fashion.  I know of friends who lived a good quality of life until just a few days/weeks before Hospice Care was needed.

It was interesting that he was more willing to die and felt more comfortable going through the process than some of his family members.  One daughter was upset and argued with him about his decision to stop taking one of his meds which was designed to have him live a little longer.

Much of the article involves the thoughts of the Hospice physician as he cares for this dying person.  His job as he explains is the fact that “We’re all going to die and it is my job to make sure that people do so in as calm and beautiful a manner as possible.”  I am not sure that the word beautiful works here but I understand the sentiment.

One family member at the end of the article expressed her thoughts “Dad always told us that he wanted to teach us how to die…And what a great teacher he was.”

It is a beautiful article which is found in the December 2014 issue of Consumers Report and I urge all of us old people to read it.

Another thing I found interesting in this article is the side-bar with statistics from a survey conducted by Consumer Reports regarding death.  As a retired scientist, I love data so I am always drawn to these kinds of numbers:

• 86% wish to spend their last days at home. Where does the other 14% wish to be when they die – in a hospital?  If that is their choice their home-life must be Hell.
• 50% prefer pain management and comfort care over other types of medical treatments.  I assume ‘other types of medical treatments’ includes heroic attempts to keep us breathing a few minutes longer.
• 61% had never heard of palliative (Hospice) care.  This fact surprises me but I suppose these questions were asked of people of all ages.  Certainly most of us old people have heard of Hospice Care but then we have more interest in it.
• 47% have completed a ‘living will’.  I am surprised about this low number but to think of it I had better update mine.  Yes, updating this thing is important.  I remember when my father was near death, I was asked by a physician if he had a living will.  When he learned that his Will was many years old he thought it was invalid as it had not been updated.  Oh well…
• 42% had provided end of life care for a friend or relative.  I assume this means that a person has helped a friend die. 

I have ‘helped’ with the death of two of my close friends.  One was a friend who I had known for nearly 50 years. I went with him alone from the hospital in a panel-type car to a Hospice Care hospital.  This move had been postponed several hours because of bad weather. Upon our arrival at the Care center he was immediately taken to a room on a gurney and moved to a bed.  His breathing was labored and erratic.  The nurse was alarmed about his irregular breathing, we both realizing that he was dying. 

The nurse wanted to give him oxygen to prolong the life which resulted in an argument when I said ‘no’.  I had been told by my friend and his wife that he wanted to die.  He had struggled with his first serious stroke for many years and this one was much worse.  In fact, he had now been in Intensive Care for some ten days!  Yes it took that long for the hospital to give permission for him to be moved to this Hospice facility.  The medical cost for those ten days was $110,000! I guess they didn’t want him moved because he was a ‘cash cow’.

My second experience was when my very best friend, who I had first met in college, was dying and I spent his last night of living sharing the bed with him.  He was in a very deep sleep, possibly a coma so I doubt if he knew I was there.  I continue to think he knew, at least I hope he knew.  The next morning I left the room for a few minutes.  When I returned his breathing was irregular so I notified the family members who all came to be by his side as he died.  I held his hand.

In a way I enjoyed helping my close friends die of course not in a morbid sense but in a loving way as I remembered all of the good times we had together.  And, those ‘good times’ seemed like they happened yesterday.

But us old people all have those memories of many years past remembering them as they had happened but a few days ago, until we suddenly know better.

This blog was written two years ago and as I read it now before I publish it, my thoughts have not changed.  Quite to the contrary, death is now two years closer for me but interestingly it becomes less important. During those two years, I have given a copy of this article from Consumer Reports to friends who were dying.  They found comfort in it so I recommend it to all us old people, especially those of us nearing death.

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