ANOTHER FUNERAL

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

Just returned from another funeral of a person I had known for many years.  We worked at the US Air Force School of Aerospace Medicine but in different departments.  He managed the School physical plant support Branch where many of his employees helped me with my research presentations at various science conferences.

He was known as a very adept politician which he used well in rising to the highest grade level a civil servant can attain outside of the super-grade positions.  He was very good at his job and he was worshipped by those who worked for him.

But, this article is not just about him but my take on the funeral or rather the Celebration of Life which these things are called as an attempt to eliminate any thoughts of death.  This death word is an interesting one which people do not like to hear or even give reference.  In my local paper the section containing obituaries has been replaced with ‘Life Tributes’.  Once here is another example of an attempt to rid our minds of any thoughts of death.

Killing is another word which people in the profession of doing it such as the military use the word ‘wasting’ someone.  This substitution of words for some reason is more acceptable even though our minds understand that ‘death’ and ‘killing’ is really what is meant.

His Services were held at a funeral home. The funeral home was located in a small town about twenty miles from San Antonio Texas where I live.  Two friends went with me.

The person of honor was cremated so what was presented to the attendees was a nice oil painting of the person.  I think I know where that painting came from for its style was that of a very competent artist working for him who specialized in portraits.  Obviously his portrait was made years ago when he was much younger.  Interestingly, the artist worked for him probably doing this private work on government time.  Oh I suppose these minor ‘illegal’ things happen all the time in the government and certainly it is commonly done in Private Industry.

Now the Guest of Honor had been living unmarried with a woman who made the arrangements for the funeral. He was divorced from his first wife but never married again. The Services were conducted by a minister who read the eulogy which did not mention the deceased wife, his daughter, or grandson.  At first I was concerned about this for I understood that obituaries are supposed to be an accurate record of a person’s life. 

My thoughts were that obituaries could be referenced years later as a historical document and are the basis for legal actions.

I was concerned about this false document so I went to the Web to find a legal opinion some of which follows:

Announcements made in the obituary and the eulogy should never be taken lightly. These are actually confessions and admissions or pieces of evidence that can be used to prove a relationship in court in family disputes. These documents have many a times betrayed families. They are a source of very important information. They come as a shock to many. They are usually an expression of the true family position to the world at large. They are a confession of the actual family relationships in so far as they can be linked to the deceased. They create legal presumptions and challenging the contents can be difficult given that the deceased is not there to speak. They can be used to relay a message to the outer world of the existence of a family tie that can for example form an entry point for example to launch a claim that the deceased was the wife of the claimant. Eulogies offer family and friends a collective glimpse of the life and character of the person who has died. The eulogy helps personalize the funeral by acknowledging the qualities of the person who died and affirms the significance their life had to those surviving. 

Obviously the above is a template for an ethical obituary and eulogy.  On the other hand with further research also on the Web I found many different views concerning the content of these statements of life after death.  For instance these things are usually written by the person who died if that is possible.  Certainly, someone killed accidentally in some car crash would not write one of these things but in the circumstances I am now addressing it was obviously written by the deceased.

Now I write ‘obviously’ because his history was not accurate for as I wrote previously he did not mention his divorced family.  Certainly these omissions are counter to the above article on obituaries and eulogies.  On the other hand during my searches on the Web I found an article about these things which noted that previous marriages are usually not mentioned.  Further it stated that the writers if deceased can put anything they wish in them even something that could be considered libelous. The presumption here is that to sue someone who is dead is not easily done.  Now, I must insert a caveat here for this information I found on the Web is not documented as factual.

I was expecting more people I knew from the School to be attending.  I know it appears crass but about the only enjoyment a person, other than the person of honor, gets attending one of these things is seeing friends who you have not seen for many years.  It brings back memories usually of the good kind.  I was surprised about the few people in attendance of the many who had worked for him.  And, most of them were younger than he so I assume they are still alive.  I suppose this should tell us something about this person. 

Another observation about his life history was the failure in his eulogy to note his employment with the federal government for many years.  This omission is of course another deletion in his life history. I suppose this act was his pay back for being forced to retire from the government for the rumor was that he had committed some illegal activity and was given an opportunity to retire or face some legal problems.   

My friends and I did not attend the traditional meal following the activities.  I understand food is served following these things because they make a person hungry.  I must say I have not found that to be the case but then what do I know.  It was nearing noon so we decided to have lunch at a local restaurant.  I would call the food fair but then gourmet food can not be expected in such a small town.  One of us had heard of an outstanding German restaurant there but when we found it that was where the death meal was going to be and as a buffet.

Our trip home was without incident as we talked about various subjects all without any thoughts of the Service, other than my concern about leaving out his divorced wife, daughter, and grandson in the obituary.  I was sure that what had been done was probably illegal.  But I was wrong and in doing my research on the subject on the Web learned a lot about writing obituaries and eulogies.  Who knows some of this information might be useful to me when I write the notice of my death, you know my Life Tribute.  Of course now I must make a decision will I or won’t I include my divorced wife in my Tribute now that I know I can hide all of my life failures and mistakes.