MY GRANDAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY PRESENT

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

My granddaughter lives about 11 hours by car north of where I live.  So, our conversations are by phone.  Her birthday was to be a couple of weeks away so I asked her father what she wanted for her birthday.  A few days passed I received a nice card and note letting me know that she wanted a SRL camera. 

She is a very bright cute 8^th grader who is particularly good at playing the saxophone in her school band.  But, her note as with all of my grandchildren’s was not hand written as cursor is no longer taught in schools.  So her note to me was printed using a mixture of capital and small letters.  It was difficult to read and to me showed a form of illiteracy.  Of course that is not true for all of my grandchildren are very smart getting good grades in their schools.

I remember when I was in grammar school especially in the eighth grade cursor was a requirement.  Oh sure we were never able to duplicate the handwriting that was displayed on the classroom walls for us to attempt, still all of us learned to write a script which could be read without much difficulty.  And, it showed to all who read it that it was written by someone who was literate; you know the three r’s reading, writing, and arithmetic. 

I fail to understand why cursor is no longer taught in schools.  Oh I suppose some private schools still teach it but that too is probably rare. 

Back to my granddaughter’s gift; I soon learned that SRL meant Single Reflex Lens with certain adjustments which are important for serious photographers.  All the cameras I have owned have been the ‘point and shoot’ kind and much cheaper than the kind she wanted.  And, I believe this is her first camera.  But she explained in her note to me that she wanted to have photography as her hobby and this kind of camera was important.  I guess playing her saxophone at which she is very good is not considered a hobby.

Of course what could a grandparent do other than go to Costco and look for a SRL camera which I could afford?   But, it was not just what I could afford but what makes sense for a 13 year old girl.  I write makes sense because to me lavishing expensive gifts on children I believe can be detrimental to their perspective regarding their middle class status in life.  You know she could get use to such expensive gifts so that when she grows up her life becomes a disappointment when she may not be able to afford the gifts she enjoyed when she was younger.  Now she will be looking not at a camera but a car.

And, I fell into that trap when I got to Costco and began to look for her camera.  Of course they were all digital which made me recall a lecture I had at Chautauqua a few summers ago.  The lecturer was the man who invented the digital camera.  He is an engineer who worked for Kodak.  He showed us the first photograph which he made from it.  Of course his digital camera was huge with a computer connected to a lens, etc. but the photograph although not great was recognizable.  I think this was back in the 1960s.  Kodak was not interested in his invention for it had a lock on the film industry and his camera did not use film.  Using Moore’s Law, he predicted that such a camera would be commercially available in the late 1980s.  He was absolutely correct to Kodak’s peril. 

Back to my granddaughter’s gift, the cheapest one was $300 which had been discounted to $250.  I tried to understand something about it so I could make a reasonably sound decision.  But as I read what it did and how it worked none of it made any sense to me.  You know instead of film it had a card with a certain capacity which I did not understand.  As I was trying to make sense of any of this a salesman walked up and showed me a $200 camera which had been discounted to $100, a very good buy he noted.  Yes, but it was not a SRL camera.

He then showed me what my downfall became for a day for I enjoy good deals, you know big discounts.  Here was a SRL camera originally priced at $900 discounted to only $500.  It was loaded with all kinds of extras including two lenses.  He noted that this camera could be considered one for professionals.  Perhaps but I know a professional photographer and each of his cameras cost several thousand dollars.  Still, the discount hooked me and the salesman noted that it included a carrying case worth $100.  So I bought it that is at Costco I filled out a card went to the cashier and paid for it on my credit card.  I took the paid slip to the guy who guarded the expensive items all enclosed in a huge wired-walled cage.  Out he came with this huge box.  Now, I was not expecting anything like that but he convinced me when he showed me a picture of the camera on the side of the box.

Needless to say, I immediately began to have regrets regarding my purchase; you know ‘buyer’s remorse’.  Of course what raced through my mind was that I was going against my better judgment regarding giving expensive gifts to a young person.  As I thought about my purchase through out the day and into the night, I decided that I had made a mistake.  So, the next day I returned it.  Costco is very good at returning purchases so as I explained my decision the two women at the counter agreed with me as they looked carefully to see if the seals had been tampered with.  Credit was applied to my card and I walked over to the camera department and once again looked at other SRL cameras. 

Without any hesitation I bought the $250 camera.  Even this price was a bit much so I decided that this gift would include Christmas.  You know not lavishing gifts on young people.

On her birthday I gave her a call through her father.  Oh I am sure she has a Smart Phone but I do not know her number. I got a message on his cell phone so I began awaiting his return phone call to wish my granddaughter a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The phone rang in the afternoon and it was my granddaughter phoning me on her phone! We chatted for a bit including a Happy Birthday.  She enjoyed the camera already taking it outside to photograph some animals.  It’ fun to make people happy.

In retrospective, I think I understand what had happened regarding my buying her first present.  Of course much of it is a result of this age-gap thing which I guess will always be there when grandparents attempt to relate to their grandchildren.  Certainly the age-gap thing raised its ugly head when I began my adventure in buying her a camera.  Much of it has to do with wanting the best for your grandchild without spoiling her and that is a complicated thought process.  And of course, the big discount of several hundred dollars on that certain camera mudded the water even more.

I guess it all goes back to when I was her age in 1945.  World War II was about to end, which had dominated my understanding of life and money was an important factor for I was working that summer for 50 cents an hour and of course paying $250 for a camera back then would have been unthinkable.  I guess I will carry that baggage with me until I die. 

Written 2/15

WHAT NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT TURNING 80

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

This title and idea about aging is stolen from a Web article by Annie Tomlin from Refinery 29 published on 3 March 2015.  It had the age at 30.  Oh my turning 30 for me was very long ago but I remember it like it was yesterday for it came as a shock about this aging thing.  It seemed to me that I was in my 20s forever.  I wanted to be 21 for obvious reasons and it seemed like I could never reach that age.  Suddenly, now I was 30.  I have explained to many people that that birthday was the one I remember as the most traumatic.

I write that 30 was a tough age for me but I must admit that 80 is right up there as an eye opener. In some ways reaching these ages are similar for when I hit 80, like I explained when I reached 30 it was a shock to me.  It seemed I had been in my 70s forever and feeling like I was in my 50s.  I kept asking myself what is this old age all about?

The article I am referring does not describe my trauma when I turned 30 and it applied mostly to women not men for sure.  It showed the face of one woman and another picture of a woman’s lower face showing off her red lips. As I am a man it was hard to relate to this article but it did give me some good ideas about this 80s thing.

The first grey hairs and face wrinkles were noted as a shock to someone turning 30.  Loss of collagen explained why their body skin in certain areas begins to wrinkle.  Of course all of this happens big time a half century later when you reach 80.  Wow, did I just note that it has been half a century since I turned 30. As noted in the article, finding these body changes were called ‘self discovery’ which of course is really telling when you reach 80.  Thinking now about self discovery at my age includes, poor balance, sometimes falling flat on my face when walking, a mild drop foot, aches and pains all of the time, white hair not grey hair, and more wrinkles especially in my lower body, you know from loss of collagen.

The article notes that at 30 a person knows who you are, starting to make serious strides in one’s career, and generally kicking ass.   This kicking ass thing I don’t understand but of course our primary careers are now long gone but we certainly know who we are.  If you don’t know who you are at 80 you will never know.  I write primary careers are long gone which is true but for me and others we still manage to do things each day which we could call a career – well calling it a career is stretching it a bit.

In my retirement I have taken up some serious hobbies like I am sure most everyone has when a person has lots of time on their hands.  For me it was painting acrylics and watercolors, doing some stained glass, cooking, some cabinet building and remodeling my condo, and now my interest is in writing as I have noted before.  I was able to sell a few paintings and stained glass works but my writing financial status has been less successful.  Oh I wrote a novel and have sold a few of my e-books.  But, now my ‘agent’ has notified me that a screen writer is looking at my novel.  I guess that means some thoughts of it becoming a movie.  I am supposed to hear a couple of weeks from now regarding her decision.  Hey by the time this article is printed, my name might be up in lights. (No that never happened for it is now 2018)

I note when this article is published on my web site for I have many more written before I get to this one.  Writing these things is fun for me so I write many more than I can publish at the rate of one each month.  I guess the logical answer is to publish more than one a month but then I would begin to feel some pressure that I have to sit down and write.  At my age, I do not want to feel any pressure.  Oh I can always juggle my articles to appear when they would be most appropriate.   

This article notes that growing old is a good thing.  Well at age 30 I guess that could be said with some truth.  But like most everything a person can get too much of a good thing.  I will note that growing old is one of those things.  In a way it is a lot like eating too much candy and getting sick, old age is full of many fun memories which could only have happened if a life is lived.  And like candy, too much can make someone sick and old age has a way of making people so sick they die from it.

Dental changes were noted when reaching 30.  Oh, I guess I had a few dental problems at that age but I don’t remember them.  Of course dental problems occur at a faster rate as a person grows older.  I guess we all have crowns on some teeth and for many false teeth and now implanted teeth.  I write for many because when I was about to have some serious surgery a couple of years ago, my anesthesiologist was shocked to find out that I did not have a bridge or a mouth full of false teeth.  She also noted that I did not look like I was 80 years old which was great news for this suggested to me that I had a chance of coming out of this surgery alive!

I think that letting people know that they are aging when they are 30 is a good thing for a person should realize that fact throughout their entire life.  Now, I don’t mean to dwell on growing older but realize that decisions during your life are important because some depend on age.  And, age is something that can not be recalled like wanting to start over because I didn’t do the right thing back then.

For me this came to my attention when I was addressing a few freshman veterinary students during our 50^th anniversary of our graduation in 1956 from the University of California at Davis Veterinary School.   Obviously this would have been in 2006 after I had been retired for some six years.  Each class member who could attend (about half of the members of my class were dead) gave a brief statement to those few freshman students who were ‘required’ to attend.  As I looked at those young faces my mind raced back to when we had been freshmen full of idealistic expectations regarding our future for we had been selected to our freshman class as one out of ten who had applied.

I suppose I gave them the best advice they received that day for I simply said, “Don’t let your life get away from you.  Live it each day for when you look back on it like we are doing today, our career in veterinary medicine began just like it was yesterday and suddenly it is gone and it can’t be restarted.”

Now, what got my attention with this article about growing old at 30 is that aging is a physiologic factor that is a sure thing at all ages.  It all starts when a person is born.  Immediately, age begins its relentless march and will not quit until a person dies.  Yes, when that happens age has finally been conquered but at a serious price.

Written 2012

ANOTHER FUNERAL

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

Just returned from another funeral of a person I had known for many years.  We worked at the US Air Force School of Aerospace Medicine but in different departments.  He managed the School physical plant support Branch where many of his employees helped me with my research presentations at various science conferences.

He was known as a very adept politician which he used well in rising to the highest grade level a civil servant can attain outside of the super-grade positions.  He was very good at his job and he was worshipped by those who worked for him.

But, this article is not just about him but my take on the funeral or rather the Celebration of Life which these things are called as an attempt to eliminate any thoughts of death.  This death word is an interesting one which people do not like to hear or even give reference.  In my local paper the section containing obituaries has been replaced with ‘Life Tributes’.  Once here is another example of an attempt to rid our minds of any thoughts of death.

Killing is another word which people in the profession of doing it such as the military use the word ‘wasting’ someone.  This substitution of words for some reason is more acceptable even though our minds understand that ‘death’ and ‘killing’ is really what is meant.

His Services were held at a funeral home. The funeral home was located in a small town about twenty miles from San Antonio Texas where I live.  Two friends went with me.

The person of honor was cremated so what was presented to the attendees was a nice oil painting of the person.  I think I know where that painting came from for its style was that of a very competent artist working for him who specialized in portraits.  Obviously his portrait was made years ago when he was much younger.  Interestingly, the artist worked for him probably doing this private work on government time.  Oh I suppose these minor ‘illegal’ things happen all the time in the government and certainly it is commonly done in Private Industry.

Now the Guest of Honor had been living unmarried with a woman who made the arrangements for the funeral. He was divorced from his first wife but never married again. The Services were conducted by a minister who read the eulogy which did not mention the deceased wife, his daughter, or grandson.  At first I was concerned about this for I understood that obituaries are supposed to be an accurate record of a person’s life. 

My thoughts were that obituaries could be referenced years later as a historical document and are the basis for legal actions.

I was concerned about this false document so I went to the Web to find a legal opinion some of which follows:

Announcements made in the obituary and the eulogy should never be taken lightly. These are actually confessions and admissions or pieces of evidence that can be used to prove a relationship in court in family disputes. These documents have many a times betrayed families. They are a source of very important information. They come as a shock to many. They are usually an expression of the true family position to the world at large. They are a confession of the actual family relationships in so far as they can be linked to the deceased. They create legal presumptions and challenging the contents can be difficult given that the deceased is not there to speak. They can be used to relay a message to the outer world of the existence of a family tie that can for example form an entry point for example to launch a claim that the deceased was the wife of the claimant. Eulogies offer family and friends a collective glimpse of the life and character of the person who has died. The eulogy helps personalize the funeral by acknowledging the qualities of the person who died and affirms the significance their life had to those surviving. 

Obviously the above is a template for an ethical obituary and eulogy.  On the other hand with further research also on the Web I found many different views concerning the content of these statements of life after death.  For instance these things are usually written by the person who died if that is possible.  Certainly, someone killed accidentally in some car crash would not write one of these things but in the circumstances I am now addressing it was obviously written by the deceased.

Now I write ‘obviously’ because his history was not accurate for as I wrote previously he did not mention his divorced family.  Certainly these omissions are counter to the above article on obituaries and eulogies.  On the other hand during my searches on the Web I found an article about these things which noted that previous marriages are usually not mentioned.  Further it stated that the writers if deceased can put anything they wish in them even something that could be considered libelous. The presumption here is that to sue someone who is dead is not easily done.  Now, I must insert a caveat here for this information I found on the Web is not documented as factual.

I was expecting more people I knew from the School to be attending.  I know it appears crass but about the only enjoyment a person, other than the person of honor, gets attending one of these things is seeing friends who you have not seen for many years.  It brings back memories usually of the good kind.  I was surprised about the few people in attendance of the many who had worked for him.  And, most of them were younger than he so I assume they are still alive.  I suppose this should tell us something about this person. 

Another observation about his life history was the failure in his eulogy to note his employment with the federal government for many years.  This omission is of course another deletion in his life history. I suppose this act was his pay back for being forced to retire from the government for the rumor was that he had committed some illegal activity and was given an opportunity to retire or face some legal problems.   

My friends and I did not attend the traditional meal following the activities.  I understand food is served following these things because they make a person hungry.  I must say I have not found that to be the case but then what do I know.  It was nearing noon so we decided to have lunch at a local restaurant.  I would call the food fair but then gourmet food can not be expected in such a small town.  One of us had heard of an outstanding German restaurant there but when we found it that was where the death meal was going to be and as a buffet.

Our trip home was without incident as we talked about various subjects all without any thoughts of the Service, other than my concern about leaving out his divorced wife, daughter, and grandson in the obituary.  I was sure that what had been done was probably illegal.  But I was wrong and in doing my research on the subject on the Web learned a lot about writing obituaries and eulogies.  Who knows some of this information might be useful to me when I write the notice of my death, you know my Life Tribute.  Of course now I must make a decision will I or won’t I include my divorced wife in my Tribute now that I know I can hide all of my life failures and mistakes.

BEING VERY OLD

THE OLD RUSTY NAIL

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person       

This is the first article I have written on Being Old since October of last year and now is near the end of March and I have begun to see my memory going south.  So, I am beginning to think that writing my BLOG all of those years has been useful in keeping my memory sharp. So, I am beginning to write again in hopes of saving what memory I have left and maybe getting some back.  Who knows…

But, the real question here is why did I stop writing my BLOG?  I am not a psychiatrist nor a clinical psychologist but I believe I was depressed.  I can’t think of any particular reason for this onset of depression that occurred last October.  Perhaps it is just plain old age.   

The first article I wrote for this BLOG was ‘Being Old’.  As I re-read this BLOG I noticed at the start that I struggled trying to find the best word for describing someone nearing the end of their life.  I used ‘Old’ and I have found that to be an excellent choice for it is accepted as the word to use in describing people who have become 80 years old. Now when a person lives to be 85 he/she becomes ‘Very Old’. I assume at 90 a person becomes ‘Very Very Old’.  My uncle is 95 so he must be ‘Very Very Very Old’.  At 80, I began to feel different which I soon realized was what ‘old age’ feels like.  And, each year I felt, well older. The changes were subtle but noticeable.  Not noticeable each day of course, but I suppose each month I could feel some difference.  I have found that being old and now very old is hard to describe and more difficult to live.

This feeling old beginning at 80 is interesting for I am not alone.  I have a friend who is a bit older than I am and too noticed a change related to old age beginning in his early 80s.

  

Certainly, my physical capabilities changed noticeably on a regular basis.  I walked most every day after I retired at age 68 for about 3 miles using the same route  Then the route began to shorten until now I cannot begin to even start that walk.

My balance is the other physical capability that I struggle with and bothers me the most.  I do balance exercises each day which I learned at a clinic associated with the local Medical School. Also, I go to the gym twice each week for balance/strength exercises.  Once a week, I do 4-mile aerobics at the gym on a stationary bike. So, I am trying to stabilize my physical/balance capabilities. 

Certainly I have found keeping mobile in old age requires lots of physical work.  And now not writing my BLOG for several months I found that not exercising my brain is not good either.

Several interesting things I have found in my very old age.  One is remembering things that happened when I was very young.  I guess being able to remember those things is good news.  Another thing is not doing activities which I started when I retired.  Some of those activities included volunteering at the Zoo and working at the art studio where I sold art, some of which was mine.  I use to paint water colors and acrylics.  I did many stained glass pieces including several windows for my best friend’s home in California. I have received awards for both my paintings and stain glass work. So, I did inherit some art capabilities which I am sure was from my mother.  She was an accomplished oil painter.

I guess the only recreation I do now is on a biweekly basis playing bridge with friends at our homes. I still have two women friends I see several times each week.  All of my long-time local male friends have died.  Living to be old and now very old is a recipe for being lonely.

Re death, I looked up longevity/survival rates for old people.  I found at 85 only 20 percent are alive and several percentage of those have some form of serious dementia. I write ‘serious’ because I think losing some of our mental acuity is probably normal and can’t be helped.

  

Longevity charts are interesting and become more interesting as a person becomes very old.  I was of course most interested in tables for men.  The latest ones I found on the Web were calculated in 2014 showing that at age 85 life expectancy was 5.91 years.  At my age of 86, I have 5.50 years to live or 0.41 less of a year that at 85.  At 87 it is 5.11 years left or now only 0.39 less.  So at my age of 86 I am expected to be dead when I am 91.5 years old.  Of course, the longer I live the longer I am expected live.  My uncle who is 96 years old has a life expectancy of 2.68 more years.

Another reason I think using our brain in old age is important was watching my father become seriously demented as he grew older beginning at age 80.  He retired from the federal government when he was 55 years old.  He hated his job even though he was very good at it.  For several years he worked at a liquor store and sold used cars so he kept his brain somewhat active. 

Then he moved to another town and began using his brain less which I think started his mental decline.  He realized this mental loss when driving around this small town he could not remember how to get home.  That of course really scared him.

Now I am not suggesting that old age does not affect our brains for we lose lots of neurons each day when we get old, but I think using it delays that decline.  You know use it or lose it. 

One thing I did when I retired was to write a full-length novel which I self-published.  Every day I was at my word processor by 8 in the morning writing for several hours.  I continued that for some 18 months.  Writing a novel is interesting and fun, for you imagine all of the characters and their actions.  Yes, the writer lives the lives of all of the characters and their many activities.  By the way, the novel is Mary and is for sale as an e-book for about $5. I am sure that writing this book was helpful in maintaining some mental acuity in my old age.

3/18

  

PS.  I will publish this Blog the same month that I wrote it.  I am several years of writing my Blog ahead of publishing dates of one each month.  Many times that delayed date does not matter, but when the date is important like my birthday I plan to publish it when it is written.

LIVING TO BE 115 YEARS OLD AND MORE

THE OLD RUSTY NAIL

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

On the Web on January 20, 2015 I saw an article showing pictures of five women all born in the 1800s.  Yes these are the oldest living people in the world.  The oldest was 116 years of age and the others were ll5.  All were women which should not surprise anyone for several reasons the main one which has to do with the specific body functions of women.  And, of course genes enter into the equation I am sure.

Three of these super-centurions were Americans the other two were from Japan and Italy. Apparently all of them were still mentally alert and some had ideas on why they were still alive.  One noted that eating and sleeping was the secret and another reason was proper diet and eating a raw egg each day.  Living by the Golden Rule was important to one of these ladies.

I was surprised that 60% of these survivors were from America and only one from Japan.  I always thought that because of their low meat diet with loads of fiber, Japanese live by far the longest.  Still, Japan has a smaller population than America so looking at the ratio it appears that both countries are about even regarding long life.

The other country was Italy which once again was surprising to me suggesting that their diet heavy in pasta would be conducive to long life.  She was the person who mentioned her diet including a raw egg each day as contributing to a very long life.  Oh my, so much for this cholesterol thing.

Of course some political conservatives will argue that it is our health programs which are superior to other countries.  You know not having a universal health system is really healthy and conducive to long life.

Asking old people what is their secret in staying alive suggests that they are experts in this aging process.  In a sense that is silly for there are many reasons why they are still alive and eating an egg a day is not one of them.  Still, it is fun to listen to successful agers as in the back of our minds is the thought that hey one of them could be me!  You know if they can do it why can’t I do it?  Well for me it is because I am a man which eliminates the single most important reason that these women have lived this long.

Still, let’s take a look at their ages as they might relate to me.  I am now 83 years old (as I publish this I am now 86 years old) so if I live to be ll6 that leaves me with 23 years to go.  Now my present mind set has me living into my 90s which is a little more than 17  

years to go.  And, why not think that for my mother lived to be 92, my father 87 (both should have lived longer) and my uncle is 93 ()he is now 96) and going strong.

Now twenty three years left of my life sounds a lot better than 17.  Hey, I look back 23 years and I was just 60 years of age.  Wow, what a young kid I was then, still working at my job which I loved and retirement was not in my thoughts. But thinking about those 23 years and the next 23 years is much different which got me thinking do I really want to live that long.  And, looking at these women who looked pretty frail does not appeal to me for my future.

This many people staying alive at the age of 115 and older is a new phenomenon.  When I was young reaching 100 was quite an event. But not any more for in 2000 the total number of Americans reaching that centurion mark was 50,544 or about 18 per 100,000 people.   In 1900 and through the Great Depression that number was only about 4 so now there are nearly five times more people 100 years of age and older.  Of course statistically, the more people living to be that old means that there will be more people living to become super-centurions.

Of course the alternative is dying which has very little appeal for me right now but I am sure sometime the challenge of life will become too great to handle so when it comes it will be an interesting event.  I write an ‘interesting event’ which can have many meanings some fun and some not so fun. I looked up ‘interesting’ in my e-thesaurus and found many meanings for that word.  Some had a positive (fun) tone such as: attractive, appealing, exciting, and motivating.  Of course I had none of those in mind when I used that word about dying instead I like the other definitions such as: attention-grabbing (especially when it will involve me), out of the ordinary (since it occurs only once in one’s life this one works really well), remarkable (absolutely) and worthy of note (ah yes the obituary).

Back to those five women, I wish something had been written about their physical and mental conditions.  Like I noted before here that they all looked rather frail and I suppose they were in that condition.  One thing for sure I do not wish to live until I am frail.  I just enjoy life too much to be in that condition which once again my e-thesaurus defines as: weak, fragile, delicate, feeble, and in poor health.  None of those definitions really appeal to me just to stay alive.

Still, that survival gene that tells us not to die is very powerful.  So, being frail is a matter of interpretation that is a frail person can always find a frailer person.

What was not addressed was the number of the survivors who suffered from some form of dementia that I have read is found in a significant number of old people beginning at age 80.

The one thing which was not noted is the large number of their loved ones who have died.  I wonder how someone handles these many sad events.  I would suppose that most if not all of their children had died and perhaps some of their grandchildren.  Certainly, such events would make someone ask in their minds ‘why me?’

Of course ‘why me’ question can be answered many different ways.  Certainly, some people will think that it is God’s will.  Well, this answer brings me back to the original question, you know ‘why me?’  My answer is simply ‘lots of luck’ and ‘dodging that deadly bullet’.  Of course like I wrote before genes play a big role and none of these women smoked cigarettes.  Well that wasn’t mentioned but I didn’t see a cigarette dangling from any of their mouths.

1/15

DEATH OF ANOTHER FRIEND

THE OLD RUSTY NAIL

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

First I want to let my readers know that I am not fixated on death even though I have written about it before which is expected because it does occur around me much more frequently than when I was younger.  And naturally it has become more common because the older a person gets more friends have died. So, as death occurs more often it is a bigger part of my life. Still I must be careful not to dwell on it too much for that is surely a recipe for depression, which is to say there is not much about death that is jolly.

My friend Bob died this last summer of 2014 while I was living in my condo in upstate New York.  He lived much of his life in San Antonio where I live most of the year.  I got to know him many years ago when I joined a local art group which operates a gallery.  We both served together at the gallery as volunteers one day a month.  We were both watercolorists.  I think he was a better artist although that would be difficult to gauge for our paintings were of much different subjects. 

He loved to play golf so many of his paintings were of golf course greens which he had played sometime.  When someone would admire a certain painting he would remark that it brought back memories of when he played it.  He was a retired army sergeant so he had lots of time to peruse his two favorite pass times which were of course playing golf and painting.   I did not know his age but I would guess that he was in his mid seventies, just a few years younger than I am.

In upstate New York where I live my summer there are many golf courses and I am sure not nearly as pricey as the ones here in San Antonio.  Several times I invited Bob to visit me during the summer noting the many golf courses he could play there.  But, we just talked about it.

Not all of his art work was golf course landscapes.  His most famous painting of which he sold many prints was of several people all men except for one woman standing in a line in the rain with their umbrellas opened over their heads facing the street waiting for a bus.  They were dressed alike in black suits.  The name of the painting is Commuters.  No doubt this was his signature piece.

I wonder which one of my many watercolor paintings could be called my signature piece.  For me it would be more difficult because I never had a painting of which prints made from it sold many like Bob’s did.  I did a painting which I liked and had prints made but they did not sell well.  So using my popular painting as my signature piece will not work

Gallery volunteers work one day a month.  Our day was the third Wednesday of the month.  The other volunteers for that day are three women so it was natural that we ate lunch together.  We always went to the same restaurant named Shilos pronounced Shelows which is different than its pronunciation as the site of a famous Civil War battle. The food is German, a popular place to eat and it is located on a major street in San Antonio. 

Our gallery is located in the Old Town a few blocks away from Shilos so we always walked.  Our backgrounds and politics were much different still we enjoyed chatting during our walk and while we were eating our lunch.  He always ordered a Ruben Sandwich and I generally ordered the Wednesday special which is meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas and carrots.  To drink I always had their special draft root beer and Bob had iced tea. The subjects of our chats were not important nor do I remember any of them but they were enjoyable for both of us or we would not have done it for so many years. 

As I wrote before, Bob loved playing golf which he did several times a week at his club when his health permitted.  At times he would have some physical ability problems but they would go away and back to golfing he went.  One summer he traveled to the British Isles where he played on several famous ancient golf courses some in Scotland where golf was invented.

The only time we got together was at the gallery except for one evening.  I went to his very nice home to fill in for an absent bridge player.  I hate to do that but he was a friend so I consented.  Why I do hate to take someone’s place is because I do not know any of the players nor do I know their level of bridge skills.  Not that I am a great bridge player but I know a few conventions.  Bridge is a card game which is noted for the players’ ability to tell each other their cards without peaking. Obviously, this requires the use of verbal communication methods called conventions of which there are many.  So, much of the fun is the bidding process to gain some knowledge of your partner’s cards.  Obviously, playing bridge with a person one has met for the first time does present challenges which for me is not fun.

Working at an art gallery requires lots of patients for the day passes very slowly.  We begin our day before 10 in the morning when we open and ends at 6 that evening.  Starting the day so late made our lunch time at about noon come quite early in the work day providing for long boring afternoons.  Still, with friends to talk with who you see but once a month has it pleasures.

Bob was well known and liked by all of the artists for he had been a member of the art group for many years.  In fact he had been their president and because of his lengthy tenure was not required to work in the gallery anymore.  Still he came in regularly sometimes leaving a bit early.  On occasion he kidded me about my abilities doing my job as the gallery greeter. You know someone who welcomed a visitor when that person entered.   

I knew that Bob had some medical problems but I understood that he was improving in that regard so when I left for my summer life in upstate New York, I certainly expected to return to see my friend again at the gallery in the Fall.  Of course it was a shock to hear of his death which occurred suddenly following a fall in his house last summer while I was living in New York.

Falling down in a person’s home is common with us old people and can be very dangerous especially living alone.  I wrote an article before about a friend who died a few years ago who lived alone and fell where she lay for several hours.  And recently here in San Antonio a friend of mine and a TV celebrity Ann B. Davis fell and died in her home.  She too lived alone.

Now that Bob is gone I go to lunch with one of the women gallery friends who I enjoy.  We walk to the same restaurant and have our lunch.  We have enjoyable chats and I do appreciate her company.  Still I miss my friend.

Written 2/15 

WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE OLD GRANDAD?

THE OLD RUSTY NAIL

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

What’s it like to be old is a simple question with a very complex answer.  When I was asked that I thought for a moment and said that there was pain, some balance problems, and I fell a few times. He shrugged and smiled and went about his business. But, what a question and my answers were not exactly uplifting. But it got me thinking about this stage of life that I am now living.  Like I wrote about before it all happened when I turned 80 years old.  And, ‘years old’ is more explicit than ‘years of age’.

My answer stayed with me as I thought more about what it is like being old as I narrowed it down to thinking about my body and mind.  I must admit that my mind is about as sharp as it ever was which some people would agree with a smile.  But included in my mind are my thoughts and these are quite different as I tend to think about different things in different ways than when I was younger. 

I believe that our thoughts are tied very closely with our age bracket and I think there are several of those.  Exactly the ages of these stages of life will vary with each person I am sure but here is my take: Baby 0-3; child 4-10; teenager 11-19; young adult 20-30; middle-age adult 31-65; mature adult; 66-79; and finally ‘old adult’ 80-?

Of course some of these are by definition, you know ‘teenager’ for example. The age which got my attention the most of any age was when I became 30.  Oh my suddenly, I was not in my 20s what I call the young-adult stage which seemed to last forever.  There is no doubt that mentally when I became 30 something inside of me changed which I guess is when I became a ‘middle-age adult’.

As I thought more about his question, I began to think about my answer which was nothing more than a list of the symptoms of old age and not what is old age?  Perhaps that was the question he wanted to ask. And the one word answer is it is a challenge!  In a way that was what Art Linkletter reminded us when he said “Old age is not for sissies”.

Now when I say it is a challenge I must admit that it is a very different kind of challenge.  Usually when someone is challenged that person accepts the challenge and either wins or loses it. But old age challenge is something which must be accepted for an old person must take on that challenge each day.  And, the winner is the person who has taken that challenge and dealt with it each day in a satisfactory manner.  And, the same challenge will be there tomorrow or perhaps it will be a little more difficult challenge.

Therefore, the winner in the old-age game is the one who does not falter but accepts the challenge and fights it every day.  Simply if you do not like a challenge then you will end up rocking in a chair on the front porch thinking about the good old days as your mind and muscles wither away.

Earlier I noted that my mind is as sharp as ever but my thoughts are different.  I catch myself suddenly realizing that I am an old person.  Yes suddenly like I am surprised by this realization and which nearly all the time takes my thoughts back to when I was younger. Then old age had never crossed my mind. Suddenly I remind myself that hey you are not that young person anymore.  It is a very strange thought pattern.

The challenge of old age is one which requires a daily effort supporting your mind and body.  And, these supporting activities are not easy ones to accomplish most everyday because it requires activities which become harder to do each day.  And of course, that is this never-ending challenge.  Well that is not entirely true for it will end some day.

Now, I am the first to admit that this challenge is not an easy one for it requires both the mind insisting on doing what must be done.  And, it is so easy to think well not today but I will do it for sure tomorrow.  Of course like the musical Anne, ‘tomorrow is just a day away’.

I have written before about what I do regularly so I will not repeat those here.  And too what I do specifically are not that important it is just that I do them. But, it is not fun before they are done, it is after they have been accomplished that I get the reward that I have met the challenge.  Do I feel younger?  Of course not but I feel that I have accomplished what had to be done and that is a good feeling – no not a feeling of being younger but a feeling that old age has not beat me yet!

No not yet but it is just a matter of time for it always wins.  How much do you want to enjoy that ‘matter of time’ is the challenge for each of us old people.

A CHAT WITH MY UNCLE

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

This morning my uncle phoned.  In a way it was by mistake as he had gotten a phone call from someone with my area code.  It wasn’t me but I am glad that he phoned because we had not chatted for a few weeks.  We try to phone each other about once a month and yesterday I had planned to give him a call but it slipped my mind. It seems that more things slip my mind that did a few years ago.

I enjoy our chats because he is an interesting person who had several interesting careers including a few years with the federal government.  We laughed about that because his grade level with the government was always higher than mine in spite of the fact that I had many years more college than he.  His other jobs ranged widely all of which were executive-level positions.

Our chats are nondescript, that is we generally do not stick to one topic but today we got talking about being old and death.  Now those topics might be thought of as gloomy and in away I guess they are but none the less of interest to us old people. 

What got my attention and nearly blew me away was when he told me that his life changed when he turned 80 years of age.  For him that was twelve years ago.  Yes, he is but ten years older than me which happened because my father and his brother had different mothers.  My father’s mother died when he was about 8 years old.  His father remarried a much younger woman thus my uncle’s and mine relative young differential age.  I suppose he is really my half-uncle which never really sounded quite right.

I have written in this blog many times that I too thought my old age began when I was 80 years old.  He had never shared this experience with me before so it surprised me that we had the same feelings at the same age.  Certainly, this event enforces my theory that this is the age when we have outlived half of our chums so this is the beginning of another facet of our lives – you know old age.

We discussed this coincidence for some time with extremely similar experiences regarding our physical and mental changes.  Since we are men I wonder if this distinct change occurs in women and at the same age. I doubt it for women live longer than men and they age slower.  I asked a woman I play bridge with who is older than I by a few years.  She thought that she felt old when she reached 85.

Our conversation turned to death not our own but about the deaths of our friends.  One of his friends who was younger than he had recently committed suicide.  Apparently he was depressed about what could happen to him as he grew older.  I write the word ‘could’ not ‘would’ happen because we do not know what our future holds.  That is, his vision of old age could have been completely wrong not that it is great fun but I find it somewhat enjoyable for it is a new experience and it beats the alternative.

I recalled my recent experience of a friend dying which was quick and painless.  A death like we all wish we will have.

I find it interesting that death becomes more important than when I was younger.  Its importance has increase particularly and interestingly when I turned 80 years of age.  Like I have written before I look at the obituaries each morning in the newspaper noting especially their ages at death.  I see quite a few are my age which makes me wonder about me dying tomorrow.  I shrug off that thought as I feel fine and am physically and mentally active feeling like I will live forever.

What is sad is the number of people who have died at a much younger age.  Seeing the obituaries of people born in the 1940s and 50s makes me feel a mixture of sadness and just being plain lucky.  Of course everybody’s luck will come to an end someday.

So I wonder what these people my age died of as it is rarely mentioned in their life histories.  Regarding this life history thing I guess the longer the history the more important that person was during their life.  Or maybe the person writing it just enjoyed writing a long story.  My newspaper highlights one particular death with a news column type article at the beginning at the obituary section which is now know as ‘Life Tributes’.  I have often wondered how someone gets this special recognition not that it is important especially to the person who is being recognized for a good productive life.

My uncle had attended his friend’s memorial service.  He lamented that at his age no one would be around to go to his service which brought up an interesting thought.  What kind of remembrance do I wish to have, if any?  I write if any because at my age because by far the majority of my best friends are dead so who would attend?  It would be embarrassing to hold a memorial service and no one would show up.  Oh I suppose some of the offspring of my friends might show up, but can’t be sure.

If I would have some kind of memorial service it would be very short for my life story can not be of much interest to those attending.  Even my children and grandchildren would be bored for they already know all about me.

So, I close a rather gloomy article as death has a way of sucking all of the fun air out of the room.  Still, I enjoyed our phone chat, especially with the recognition that we both had the same changed feelings about life when we got to that magical age of 80.

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

Last night I had my usual Friday dinner with a friend who lives a couple of blocks from me.  These dinners have almost become a ritual with me doing the cooking and she brings over a bottle of wine.  As I uncorked the wine to let it ‘breathe’ she remarked that she had thought of bringing over champagne to cerebrate my birthday which would occur before our next usual Friday dinner.

Her noting my upcoming birthday was almost a surprise but not really for in the back of my mind lingered this near-future event which will make it 83 times I have lived through this ‘celebration’. And, at one time in my life it was a big event which I looked forward to with great anticipation for I would get presents and there would be a party.  Oh how I enjoyed getting presents in those boyhood days.  But, it was not only presents which I looked forward to it was the Angle Food Cake my mother always made and in those days it was from scratch. Yes, I was reminded each time that it took a dozen egg whites.  What she did with the yokes I have no idea.

Like all things I grew out of wanting that cake and birthdays.  In fact, I can not remember the last time eating this kind of cake and they are available in all grocery stores in the bakery department ready to put icing for a few dollars.  Still, when I do see one I think about those early birthdays and smile.

Of course as I grew older birthdays were less exciting to me even though the gifts I got were more expensive.  The older I got the less important birthdays became until now I try to forget them but of course that does no good because they do come around each year whether I like it or not.  I suppose I should relish them because there are fewer left!

Back to last night, I felt bad because I had forgotten her birthday in early December.  I think it is the 6^th but I am not sure.  I did remember it in the middle of the month when we were going to a movie so I apologized and paid for the movie tickets and bought us a serving of nachos to eat while we watched the movie. So my belated birthday gifts were received with a smile. Well actually it was only one gift because we usually split the cost of the tickets and the food. Oh, I think I bought us each a glass of red wine.

Even though I might try to forget my birthday it is difficult because my birthday is the same day as Martin Luther King’s birthday which is a national holiday. I make fun of that fact because not many people’s birthday is a national holiday.  Well the national holiday is not always on his birthday 15 January.  You know they tie these things to weekends.

I have a difficult time even remembering my relatives’ birthdays for some reason. And, I can’t remember ages. But not always for the birthday of my favorite uncle I do not know, I think it is in early June but I know his age for it is ten years older than mine. Hey that’s easy.  My late wife’s birthday was on the 30^th of August.  For a long time I had a problem remembering whether it was on that day or the 31^st. I struggled with that until very recently I realized that it was the same as my late sister’s birthday and a day before her daughter’s birthday which I always remembered was on the 31^st.

I have two of my three grandkids birthdays down cold because the first one was born the 4^th of July.  Who can forget that? Then the second one was born on the 4^th of June. Of course relating it to the first born is no brainer. Unfortunately for me the third one was not born on the 4^th of any month so I do struggle.  Of course I remember my Mother’s birthday on the 6^th of September and my father was born on 20 March 1906.  His birth date is clearly shown on his Baptism certificate.  I know that because I have it framed hanging on my bedroom wall.

My close lady friend has her birthday on the first of May.  Her birthday is easy for me to remember because it is the same day as my late very best friend’s birthday. We went to Veterinary School together and through many years I enjoyed his friendship.  He was as close to me as anyone could be.  Knowing that he was dying, I shared his bed the last night of his life. But for shame, I do not remember that date.

I have another crutch to remember those 1 May birthdays.  My major professor when I was getting my doctorate in physiology had a ditty which he recalled each May first.  It went like this, ‘Hooray, hooray the first of May outdoor screwing starts today’. He was a master at such outrageous humor and he knew hundreds of limericks which is a type of poem.  Now for my readers who do not know, real limericks are always what can be called dirty in that they involve sex in a rather vulgar way.  He enjoyed drinking and when he had his share he would begin reciting limericks regards of where he was.  How much fun!!!!

So, I have two close friends with the same birthday and my wife and sister with the same birthday. And, let’s not forget that my birthday is the same as the late Rev. King. Well this all appears to be a rather interesting coincidence but it is not for it can be explained mathematically, although I don’t know the formula.  But it is a fact that when there are just 16 or is it 18 people together the chances that two of them will share the same birthday is nearly 100%. I was aware of this many years ago so I tried it out on friends at a party at my house.  There were only 14 people in attendance but what the heck, I will see if it might work with fewer people.

Now are you ready for this?  Three people shared the same birthday!!!!  Oh my…

When I was born births were generally performed at that home with the assistance of a women birther.  Physicians were much less involved that they are today.  For some reason it was known by my folks that at birth I was to be a breach presentation.  This meant that I was to arrive in the world upside down and backwards.  How this was determined then is still a mystery for MRI’s had not been invented and I doubt that they would have x-ayed my mother. 

None the less there was great concern for this meant that I could not breathe until my entire body and umbilical cord had been presented.  For this reason, I was born in a birthing home with the assistance of a physician.  Obviously, my birth was a success without any serious flaws, I think but some of my friends are not always sure.

But, the fact that a physician was there, a strange turn of events occurred.  Being born close to midnight caused a problem regarding my actual birth date.  The physician who was busy delivering me recorded it as January 16, 1932  But, the nurses who were less busy, told my folks that actually it was on the 15^th so it has always been celebrated on that date.  Interestingly, even though my birthday certificate shows the 16^th all of my legal documents show the 15^th.  Oh my…

 1/15

MY LIFE WITH AND WITHOUT CIGARETTES

(AND CIGARS AND A PIPE)

The Old Rusty Nail

AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE

Russell Burton, an Old Person

I write on this subject because I am sure this will bring back memories to my readers when we were young especially those of us who smoked tobacco. And, in those days the majority of men were regular smokers, primarily cigarettes.

I include cigars and a pipe in my title because when I quite smoking tobacco I was smoking all three each day.  I was up to three packs a day, a couple of cigars and my pipe.  I was in my mid thirties so it was sometime in the 1960s when I suddenly one early evening decided to quit and it was cold turkey. 

I started smoking cigarettes when I joined a fraternity house at the University of California at Davis (UCD) in 1950. I was eighteen years of age in my second year of college.  The fraternity was Phi Sigma Kappa a national one with a good reputation which included empathizing good grades and hosting an annual party known as the Tahiti Tussle.  When I lived at home I smoked a pipe occasionally but I did not get hooked on tobacco until later in 1950 when I left home and entered UCD.

In those days, a tobacco representative visited fraternity houses and explained how wonderful their product was especially to young college men.  Lucky Strikes and Camels were the two brands I remember.  At that time, there were no filtered cigarettes. And, at the close of the visit he gave each of us a small pack of 4 cigarettes.  Now in those days a pack of 20 cigarettes cost 17 cents – yes just 17 cents.  Yes a carton of 20 packs was $3.40.

We all knew even back then that smoking was unhealthy.  About that time Edward R. Murrow, the well-known TV news commentator who was a chain smoker, even on TV died of lung cancer at a relatively young age.  And, a popular song then was Smoke, Smoke, Smoke that Cigarette which touted the dangers of smoking. Still, it was common practice to smoke in all buildings including people’s homes.  The only house in which I was not allowed to smoke in was my first wife’s parent’s home.  And, I thought that was most unfriendly.

With three Phi Sig friends in 1954 we rented a two bedroom apartment for our two years remaining in college.  Here, I smoked regularly and my friends did not object even though neither one of them had the habit. And, before I quit cold turkey many years later at Davis, I worked as a scientist at UCD in a small office room which I shared with an engineer and another scientist.  Neither of them smoked but they did not complain for some unknown reason for today as a nonsmoker I would have not tolerated such a thing. 

It is hard to imagine for a younger person to understand how popular smoking cigarettes was back then.  They were advertised everywhere.  Smoking was much more common than not smoking that is if you didn’t smoke something was not quite right. In the movies everybody smoked and on the billboards were very popular Marlboro Men and Joe Camel a cartoon of a smoking camel.  Interestingly, to move fast forward, all of the Marlboro men, depicted as handsome healthy western cowboys died at an early age.  The last one made many TV advertisements depicting the dangers of smoking cigarettes as he was dying of some smoking related disease.

Many years later, I had lunch once a month with that UCD scientist who with me shared that small office and he laughed about me smoking cigarettes, a pipe, and cigars all at the same time!  I guess smoking was so common then that even nonsmokers were use to the smell of burning cigarettes and inhaling that second-hand smoke.  Certainly, not anymore for almost everywhere and in mostly all buildings smoking is banned.

I return back to when I decided to quit the habit that early evening before I had my dinner.  My wife at the time worked for the Davis police, when that evening she told me about an incident which had occurred that day.  A middle-aged man had throat cancer from smoking and had been treated for the disease with radiation.  Unfortunately the radiation had weakened the wall of a major artery in his neck.  This carotid artery ruptured and he bled to death on his front porch in front of his family.

Now, I had heard stories about the evils of smoking before, but this one for some reason hit a chord with me and I said, “This is the stupidest damn habit, I’m going to quit right now!”    

Now I had quit three times before over those many years of my smoking, once for 6 months but for some reason went back to them usually at a Bar having a drink.  But, then for me quitting was not a difficult unpleasant experience.  I guess this is why I started smoking again.  So, I guess when I decided this time I was going to quit I was totally unaware of how difficult it would be.

What was most unusual this time was I quit in the early evening when normally I would smoke another pack of cigarettes before bedtime.  The other times I had quit I did so when I first awoke in the morning.  I never smoked in bed.

So, that day I went to work in my office without cigarettes and I sat staring at my desk without doing anything all day.  For three months, I did the same thing.  During this period of cold turkey quitting I told my boss that I did not know why he was paying me because I was doing nothing.  He had been a smoker and knew what I was going though so he just shook his head smiled and told me to stick with it.

And I did!!!!!!! 

Now here I am 50 years later alive and as a nonsmoker.  Of course had I continued to smoke cigarettes, I would have died many years ago.  My second wife finally quit smoking.  She never smoked in the house so it did not bother me.  She quit cold turkey even though there are several nonsmoking aids available which I suppose help some people.  She had smoked since her late teens, and did not find it difficult to quit.  I have thought about the vast differences between her experience quitting and mine.  Of course it is an individual thing, but one reason I think made the difference was that I was smoking three times more than she was.

Sometimes when I go into a store now and I am following someone who is buying a pack of cigarettes I must wait until the checkout person walks across the room and opens the locked glass container and searches for the brand.  The glass cage is closed and locked and the store employee returns to hand that person the pack of cigarettes. I am always shocked to see the price of that pack of cigarettes show up on the cash register - $6. 

My wife smoked about a pack a day so that translates to about $2200 each year she began saving.  My habit today would have cost some $6600 a year!  Now that is serious money.  Come to think of it, I would be dead now so the high cost of smoking would not really be a problem.

Written 1/15 revised 8/17