MEMORIAL SERVICES AND FUNERALS
The old rusty Nail
AN E-JOURNAL FOR OLD PEOPLE
Russell Burton, an Old Person
Old people know all about memorial services and funerals for they have been to many of them probably beginning way back when their grandparents died. Now, being 81 years old I have attended quite a few of those things. It is sad that another friend has died but in another way I kind of enjoy them. I generally get to visit with friends whom I may not have seen for several years. Also, I like to see what people wear at these things.
Generally the men elders wear dark suits like I always wear but most of the younger people especially the men come casually dressed. It is not out of disrespect for the deceased I am sure, it’s just the way times are changing, I guess. My uncle who is 91 years old tells me that when he was a young man coming to dinner he had to wear a suit with tie, in his own house. I don’t know of any families that do that today.
I think memorial services are less morbid than funerals. Perhaps it is the fact that a dead body is not sharing the room with you. In the place of a body which has been cremated with memorial services a large color photograph of the deceased is on the front table smiling at you. For me seeing that picture reminds of the good times we had together. Whereas seeing a dead person all made up to look alive makes you forget those good times.
My mother went to many funerals. She refused to look at the decreased because if she did she feared that she would only remember the person dead and not when they were alive. I suppose some other people feel the same way.
The custom of embalming and using makeup to make the dead person look not dead but just asleep is cruel and unusual punishment. Why? Well, in the back of the loved ones’ minds is confusion in that the person is just asleep so why doesn’t the deceased wake up. You know looks mean a lot to people. For instance the billions of dollars spent on methods to look younger. Everybody knows that the person is not younger – the person just looks younger.
And the position in the casket troubles me. You know always lying on their back face up in a fancy box lined with silk like fluffy material. Shouldn’t the deceased have some thing to say about that? I prefer sleeping on my side not my back, especially for an eternity. I suppose for the religious the dead person is all dressed up with great makeup so that he/she will be presentable when they meet the Lord in Heaven where everyone looks really sharp.
It is customary to stroll down to view the remains in the casket (if it is an open casket funeral) when one enters the church or funeral home. And, the opinions about how the deceased looked vary from ‘he looked so natural like he was asleep’ to the other extreme ‘she looked awful, I hardly recognized her’. It is bizarre to me that the dead person is made up to look alive. You know, funerals are sad enough but to pretend that you are burying a sleeping person gives me the creeps.
I have found these services for those attending to be seated in groups according to their relationship to the decreased. You know on the first couple of rows the surviving spouse surrounded by their sons and daughters with their families comforting each other. Well, it appears to be that way. The really close friends attempt to mingle with them. The rest of those in attendance sit more in the back smiling at each other and making small talk.
Another difference between memorial services and funerals is that in the latter the Bible is quoted much more often. I guess that is one reason I prefer the former.
The closest I came to being a major part of a funeral was a few years ago when a dear friend died. I flew from Texas to Nevada to be with him when he died. His widow asked me to help her with the funeral arrangements, etc. Together she made the funeral arrangements and when it came to picking out the casket she asked me for help.
It was an interesting experience that was salesmanship at its highest level. There are two things that drive the casket market upwards in cost. One is that the cost of the casket is a reflection on how much you cared for that person. You know he deserved a good casket. Of course the other driving force to buy expensive is what will the people in attendance think of the surviving spouse buying a cheap casket. Are they broke or she really didn’t love him. And, these boxes are not cheap.
We looked at a room full of caskets starting at a mere $2000 made out of plastic and did it look cheap and I am sure on purpose. A shoebox has more class. Quickly the price soured. My friend, without my help made the selection of course and it was an interesting one. She chose the western looking one with wooden cowboy ropes, etc. draping the sides of the coffin. Why the western motif? Because he owned many horses and went on many trail rides wearing western clothes. I thought perhaps he should be dressed in some kind of Western garb lying in the casket, but I didn’t suggest it. I think the cost of the casket was $8000. It was well made out of oak. What a waste of good quality wood and workmanship that was to be admired for a couple of days then buried underground for an eternity.
He was buried in a different state than where he died so his body had to be shipped across state lines. Considerable paper work was required to accomplish that task to be sure. The casket arrived and was opened to find a large red blotch on the side of his face, kind of like a red bruise. I suppose some capillaries were not filled with embalming fluid and bled out a bit. His daughter applied some powder to cover it up and it was show time!
And, show time it was with hurried preparations when the minister arrived getting everybody in their place behind the curtains. I was a designated pallbearer although I didn’t lift anything, just walked beside the wagon carrying the casket. I sat with the family.
Of course a major difference between memorial services and funerals is the reason for their existence. Memorial services as the name implies is to remember the deceased with good fun thoughts. You know, the good times had together and a nice way of saying goodbye and it is important to say goodbye even if the dead one could not care less.
Funerals are more complex because there is a body to dispose of and that takes a certain amount of effort. Generally, the funeral implies that the deceased as represented by the body is heading for Heaven and helps along the process. Yes, the other part is remembering the dead one somewhat like what the memorial service accomplishes.
For some religions the body is important for it will someday in whole enter Heaven with the rapture as believed by many Believers. At a funeral one time I told a person that I would be cremated. He thought for a moment then began to reason with me that when the rapture occurs, there would be no body to send to Heaven. He was concerned. When I asked him what would happen to a good Christian dying in a fire and their body was unintentionally cremated. He had no answer.
Thoughts of life after death have been around for centuries and long before the Bible was written. There is evidence that Neanderthals had rituals for the dead. And, China’s thousands of years history involves the creation of thousands of clay human-sized soldiers buried with the Emperor for his use in another world. The Egyptian Pharos had pyramids built for their lavish grave sites which included tools, gold ornaments etc. to be used on the other side of the river Styx.
There should be no surprise about all of the fuss about dying for people are the only animal that knows that they are going to die and that is scary for death lasts forever.
With that very deep philosophical thought for the day the ole rusty nail concludes another article on life or rather this time it is on death. Remember I can be reached at burton.russell@att.net
