I had a friend die the other day. Of course when you are an old person friends dying are not unusual events. Still, I have a difficult time accepting the loss of any friend but the loss of this friend has been particularly difficult for me.
I had known her for about ten years. We met each summer at the Chautauqua Institution for the nine-week program. Her name is not important but our friendship was important and I miss her. We were good friends obviously with similar interests which we shared at Chautauqua each summer.
This summer (2014) is the first one without her. It is sad of course but too this summer is different without her for we shared many lectures sitting together on the front row. We didn’t have to wave when the other entered where the lecture was to take place for we knew it would be middle seats in the front row. It was a rare event if those seats were already taken.
Interestingly, I did not know much about her life as our histories were not important to each other. But, what was important was the present enjoying the lectures. Following most of them we would discuss either the content or the lecturer. Not always with kudos but many times with critical comments which were not complementary. She insisted on high quality in everything she did and with whom she shared her life. With that comment in mind, I was most appreciative and flattered to be accepted as her friend.
Frequently, one of her friends, most of whom I didn’t know, would approach her after a lecture to get her take on it. Obviously they valued her opinion as did I but we did not always agree.
Her main interest was in Shakespeare and his plays which she taught in college for many years. And, she knew every line of most of them. I remember when a Chautauqua speaker would ‘quote’ from one of his plays she would look at me shocked at their mangling of the ‘quote’. She then would recite for me what Shakespeare had really written.
My friend was Chautauqua telling me many times that if she could not come to these summer programs she would die – and she did! Now, I am not saying that because she was not able to attend this year because of her health she up and died. No, she fell a few weeks ago lying there alone for several hours before she got help. She was not in good health to begin with as she had a serious heart attack several years ago. Still, she had planned to go to the Stratford Theater in Canada this summer because she could not physically handle Chautauqua. She was to be in a two story house there with Christopher Plummer occupying the second story. What a summer she would have had discussing Shakespeare with one of her favorite actors who really knew Shakespeare.
If her life story would have been a movie it would have ended at the end of this summer with her dying just after she had discussed the final Shakespeare plays for the summer with Mr. Plummer. You know a perfect Hollywood ending but of course here I am writing about real life. I think she would have been a great actress, kind of a Betty Davis type.
The way she handled her heart attack was typical of her determination and fearlessness. She awoke early in the morning with an upset stomach. Of course, this is a symptom of a heart attack, but she ignored it and went back to sleep. Later that morning she met with some friends who were shocked at her appearance. They immediately took her to a hospital emergency room, where she was quickly diagnosed with severe heart disease. Surrounded by several physicians she was told that she needed immediate surgery to save as much of her heart as they could. Typical of my friend she began to argue with them about the timing and importance of this whole thing. Of course, they ignored her protesting, but most of her heart function was lost.
Still, with most of her heart not working she lived a pretty normal life afterwards attending Chautauqua for several summers. Now, it is important to note here that attending the summer program in Chautauqua is most demanding physically requiring walking several miles each day. And, she would dispense with her diuretics as they interfered with her activities. Her legs would swell and make walking very painful. Talk about determination and the love of Chautauqua!
Together we stayed after the Chautauqua Program had closed for the summer to attend the two-day International Prosecutors of War Crimes Meeting sponsored by the Robert Jackson Institute in Jamestown, NY. On the last day of the meeting when we parted her appearance told me that I would not see her ever again. We hugged and said goodbye. She got out of my car and I watched her slowly walk up the steps to her hotel. She turned smiled and waved goodbye.
I mentioned my concerns about her health to another chum who also was a very good friend of hers. Actually, she was a much closer friend than I, having known her for many more years. As a side note, both of my friends loved to talk and they would meet over coffee in the morning and talk for several hours. I think their record was seven hours.
I phoned her a couple of weeks before she died. I told her that I would come by to see her on my way to Chautauqua this summer. She was pleased about that, but I was concerned that she might not live that long for our conversation lasted but a few minutes. She was too tired to continue. You know, when talking for her was difficult then living for her was difficult.
Yes, I missed my friend that summer with her smile and wisdom. We were good friends.
To my readers, I appreciate taking the time to read this BLOG. When I am bothered about something it seems that writing about it helps me cope. Yes, it helped but I still miss her.
